At the beginning of the year, I met a girl and became friends with her. But here’s the thing: I think I like her as more than just a friend. She’s had a boyfriend for two years but they recently broke up. What do I do? Do I ask her out? What if she’s not into me in THAT way? She’s never expressed any feelings towards me. Maybe she’s waiting for me to do it? And what if she’s not and I tell her how I feel? Do I speak up and risk making things awkward between us, or keep quiet and continue being her gym buddy, when I want to be more? – Never Been in Love
Dear Never Been in Love,
It’s hard living with uncertainty in any area of life, but in the area of love? That’s the worst.
If she’s been in a long-term relationship (by “long-term” I mean more than three months) then she was probably pretty serious about her boyfriend. So my advice would be to give her time to process all her emotions – breakups are ridiculously difficult. Still be her gym buddy and the same awesome friend you’ve always been—she’s going to need your friendship now more than ever – but hold off asking her out for the minute.
It sounds like you’ve got a pretty big crush but can you turn it into a relationship? There’s a huge difference between a crush (one-way) and a relationship (two-way). Take the time while her heart is healing to figure out where your heart is and what you desire. Is it a physical thing, or do you think you are prepared to take on her needs and wants and turn it into a full-on boyfriend/girlfriend thing. If you don’t think you’re ready for that, then maybe don’t make a move.
If however you think it could really work between you two, then by all means ask her out. I can’t tell you how long it will take for her to get over her ex, but a week is probably not enough.
If you’re sensitive to her you will know when she’s ready to be asked out again.
And when you ask her out, try not to be too aggressive. If you ask in the right manner and tone, it can save you a lot of awkwardness if she says “No”.
Just remember the words of Diana Ross: You can’t hurry love.
PS: If you’re scared of rejection, don’t worry. That’s completely normal. Just think about what you would regret more: three seconds of awkwardness or actually getting the girl of your dreams?