It’s normal to feel jealous, but could it be ruining your relationship?
Humans are inherently jealous; it’s in our nature. That’s why a certain level of jealousy is healthy – especially in a relationship – but only up to a point. Then there’s the stuff that has the potential to tear apart your relationship – like an insecurity that leads you to behave in a crazy Kate Hudson in How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days kind of way. There are a few things guaranteed to get you seeing the green-eyed monster. But are your jealously levels normal? And what can you do if they’re on the high end? We answer those with some common jealousy-inducing scenarios.
Your current bf/gf stills talks to their ex.
It seems you all become really uncomfortable with the thought of your significant other still talking to or being pursued by the infamous ex. “Uh ex boyfriends, like just go away already,” says Facebook friend Dimitri Aronis, 21. Firstly it’s important to identify the difference. Do they still talk because they secretly still long for one another? Or do they simply share common ground and want to be friends? “My ex and I dated so many years ago we can’t even remember why, now we have been friends for years. Its completely platonic,” says Facebook user Gina Kemps, 30. In this case the flame went out long ago, but after years of companionship the two have a great friendship. One that is completely non-threatening and not worth getting your knickers in a knot. If your still worried, consider getting to know the ex, you may soon realise there’s nothing left. Obviously for some there’s a possibility they are still in love with their ex. The staff at E Harmony say if there’s still picture frames of them dotted around or “She still wears his sweater and doesn’t seem to acknowledge that it’s date-inappropriate,” you are probably the rebound. Get out as fast as you can.
Jealousy rating: 6.5 out of 10.
When their best friend is of the opposite sex.
They’ve never dated, never slept together and she/he was around 10 years before you ever got here. THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS. If your partner is open about their friendship it shouldn’t bother you. “Boundaries are important when it comes to jealous partners and honest communication is important,” Gia Ravazzotti, a relationship counsellor told The Newsroom. “As long as I know who she is and what they do together and he’s open about their friendship it doesn’t bother me at all,” says Facebook friend Emma Rapkay,21. “If they chat casually it’s okay but if it’s full on all the time then that’s a bit of a problem,” says Purinma Patil from Facebook.
Jealousy rating: 3 out of 10.
When they have a night out without you
“I couldn’t care less if my boyfriend went out for the night, it gives me time alone,” says Emma Rapkay, 21. It seems pretty fair to say that unless you’re trapped in a jealousy filled relationship that you don’t seem to mind if your significant other heads out for the night. For most, when you’re comfortable in your relationship it gives you a chance to miss and appreciate your lover. “I wouldn’t care. My girlfriend went out to a club last week. I trust her,” Stuart Jackson a Facebook friend says. If this is not the case and the idea of this makes your eyes flash an emerald green then Gia suggests, “Talking with a very trusted friend or professional can assist with some perspective on the situation.”
Jealousy rating: 1 out of 10.
They text someone more than you.
We all get a little upset by the idea of someone being more important than us. Thankfully in this scenario most of us realise it’s just texting. “At the end of the day if he comes home to me, I know I have nothing to worry about,” says Facebook friend Sarah Hewitt, 21. If you believe your partner may be doing this purely to get a reaction then Gia advises “it’s important to reassess the relationship and see if that is really the kind of person with which you want to be in a relationship.”
Jealousy rating: 6 out of 10.
Most importantly if you don’t feel like yourself or your reactions seem abnormal remember to talk to someone about it. “It can go to extremes where people have even murdered their partners in a rage of jealousy,” says Gia. So if you feel like you’re heading down that path get out while you still can. But most of all remember happy lovers, just as a fire can illuminate a room, a blaze can burn it to the ground. – Bree Hetherington.
Top photo from Dave Rutt’s Flickr photo stream.